I put the item bills in my calendar on paydays. Depressing.
Kids in college, kids in private school. Wife working to afford private school. Negative cash flow with the house, college, cars, etc. Should we pay for heat this winter?
The election will influence my income next year. Not that I'm going to make a lot of money, but the deductions under the Bush tax plan have been very good to us. Neither candidate seems likely to re-up those when they expire, and a Democratic Congress seems hell bent on "redistributing wealth."
I ain't got wealth, but I'm gonna get screwed.
Gotta pay the bills tonight, and wonder where next term's tuition is going to come from. About a year's worth disappeared in the stock market.
It's a good thing I'm a Christian. Because this too shall pass and I'll look back on life without a checkbook, stocks, or bills. Just an eternal relationship with Jesus and all his buddies, my sisters and brothers in Christ. I can be confident in that issue alone. No bill can take that away. Even if it's overdue.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
Tough Call
It's fall and kids are going back to school. The little ones are showing their concern by asking questions about friends, the room, their backpacks and other details of their little world. I need to reassure them and encourage them... life will be good, just go after it!
But the older ones are showing their angst in other ways... but it's the same emotion coming out as the younger ones. The stakes are higher though. Will I get a job? Will I have a friend? Will there be time for some fun? Will I do well in that tough class? Can I stay up all night and drive fifty miles home? You know the drill.
Well, what does a father do when one of the dearly beloved "older kids" make a poor decision with ramifications? My first inclination is to make the boo-boo go away. Bad move. Instead I have to let the reality of the situation settle in so major life lessons can be learned well. Here are some life lessons we have gone through this summer that should translate into a better life for my kids:
Do overs are on your own dime. If you are given something of value and you screw it up, you have to fix it up yourself. That includes expensive electronics, cars, classes, friendships.
Sorry, but your friends do determine your image. People will like, or dislike, you based on the friends you choose to keep.
Laundry doesn't get done by itself. (Need I say more?)
Yes, the car really does need oil. No, I really don't want to pay for it (unless I can surprise you with a blessing!)
Lose my tool? Yes I will complain and ask for it to be replaced.
No, there really isn't anything good that happens after midnight. Not anything that will help you in your future.
The little kids are real people too. Treat them like people now, and they will treat you like people when they get older.
Kids are tough. Grandkids are awesome!
Finally, we really do like to have you as a dinner participant. You may be exercising your tastes, but it's a free meal and your conversation is always welcome. I may not agree with you, but you are always welcome.
That's all. We've had some tough calls this summer, but the core remains the same: love and encourage through the reality that is.
But the older ones are showing their angst in other ways... but it's the same emotion coming out as the younger ones. The stakes are higher though. Will I get a job? Will I have a friend? Will there be time for some fun? Will I do well in that tough class? Can I stay up all night and drive fifty miles home? You know the drill.
Well, what does a father do when one of the dearly beloved "older kids" make a poor decision with ramifications? My first inclination is to make the boo-boo go away. Bad move. Instead I have to let the reality of the situation settle in so major life lessons can be learned well. Here are some life lessons we have gone through this summer that should translate into a better life for my kids:
Do overs are on your own dime. If you are given something of value and you screw it up, you have to fix it up yourself. That includes expensive electronics, cars, classes, friendships.
Sorry, but your friends do determine your image. People will like, or dislike, you based on the friends you choose to keep.
Laundry doesn't get done by itself. (Need I say more?)
Yes, the car really does need oil. No, I really don't want to pay for it (unless I can surprise you with a blessing!)
Lose my tool? Yes I will complain and ask for it to be replaced.
No, there really isn't anything good that happens after midnight. Not anything that will help you in your future.
The little kids are real people too. Treat them like people now, and they will treat you like people when they get older.
Kids are tough. Grandkids are awesome!
Finally, we really do like to have you as a dinner participant. You may be exercising your tastes, but it's a free meal and your conversation is always welcome. I may not agree with you, but you are always welcome.
That's all. We've had some tough calls this summer, but the core remains the same: love and encourage through the reality that is.
Monday, June 30, 2008
Just say... "Yes"
Hi There...
I hope this is helpful.
We need to make a decision. We have opted out of two churches for a couple of basic family reasons and have yet to really decide on where we wish to attend. We are wrestling with a number of different issues, including theology, mission, vision, and style. This decision has a lot to do with the kids too, but that may be another blog another day.
It occurred to me...
It was far easier for us to say "no" to the churches we left
Than to say "yes" to any of the churches we have been attended.
Easier to say no than to say yes. Now that sounds contradictory.
Why it isn't is wrapped up in the image we have of a local church. You don't just attend, you become part of the fabric of the place and people. You get involved, identified, and pigeonholed. There's the rub, pigeonholed.
The is no "hole" we want to be stuck into. There is too much to life and our world to be limited by the definition of the church we attend. Isn't that crazy? It is the way we think though. I'm afraid to say "yes" because it will mean that I give of myself, my tithe, and my family to the mission and vision of that local church.
You see, it is much easier to say "no" than it is to say "yes".
So, let's say "yes" today or some day soon, eh?
I hope this is helpful.
We need to make a decision. We have opted out of two churches for a couple of basic family reasons and have yet to really decide on where we wish to attend. We are wrestling with a number of different issues, including theology, mission, vision, and style. This decision has a lot to do with the kids too, but that may be another blog another day.
It occurred to me...
It was far easier for us to say "no" to the churches we left
Than to say "yes" to any of the churches we have been attended.
Easier to say no than to say yes. Now that sounds contradictory.
Why it isn't is wrapped up in the image we have of a local church. You don't just attend, you become part of the fabric of the place and people. You get involved, identified, and pigeonholed. There's the rub, pigeonholed.
The is no "hole" we want to be stuck into. There is too much to life and our world to be limited by the definition of the church we attend. Isn't that crazy? It is the way we think though. I'm afraid to say "yes" because it will mean that I give of myself, my tithe, and my family to the mission and vision of that local church.
You see, it is much easier to say "no" than it is to say "yes".
So, let's say "yes" today or some day soon, eh?
Friday, June 20, 2008
Parenting the 8, 10 & 12 Year Old Leader
I'll give the bottom line first.
My vision for my children includes self-sufficiency,
and that they would lead by making the world a better place for others.
I desire my children to accomplish the tasks of everyday life and then some.
Now, how about my kids?
My 8 year old needs me to stay with her through the self-discipline stage until it becomes a habit. Her chores are meant to do more than keep the house clean on a weekly basis, they are a tool to help her gain some control of her own actions.
My 10 year old has learned that the obnoxious task must be done, now she is learning the lesson of quality. She needs me to insist on quality control and perseverance. Do the job right and it stays done longer. Her chores are a tool to help her gain a level of pride in her accomplishments now.
My 12 year old is learning to go above and beyond in his actions. My role with him is to do quality control and open his eyes to optional things to do to enhance our world. He has the option of doing them, but to see them and take initiative is my goal. He is just now learning that when he does well it is good for other people, and when he goes beyond it helps him more than it does others. His chores are an opportunity for growth.
Why is this important? Because as adults they will exhibit the level of maturity regarding their functionality based on their self-sufficiency and ability to get things done in a timely manner on their own.
I'm watching this play out at work, and am once again committing myself to guiding my children into the realm where they are more than "good employees". I want my kids to lead in making life better for everyone, even at work.
How about you?
My vision for my children includes self-sufficiency,
and that they would lead by making the world a better place for others.
I desire my children to accomplish the tasks of everyday life and then some.
Now, how about my kids?
My 8 year old needs me to stay with her through the self-discipline stage until it becomes a habit. Her chores are meant to do more than keep the house clean on a weekly basis, they are a tool to help her gain some control of her own actions.
My 10 year old has learned that the obnoxious task must be done, now she is learning the lesson of quality. She needs me to insist on quality control and perseverance. Do the job right and it stays done longer. Her chores are a tool to help her gain a level of pride in her accomplishments now.
My 12 year old is learning to go above and beyond in his actions. My role with him is to do quality control and open his eyes to optional things to do to enhance our world. He has the option of doing them, but to see them and take initiative is my goal. He is just now learning that when he does well it is good for other people, and when he goes beyond it helps him more than it does others. His chores are an opportunity for growth.
Why is this important? Because as adults they will exhibit the level of maturity regarding their functionality based on their self-sufficiency and ability to get things done in a timely manner on their own.
I'm watching this play out at work, and am once again committing myself to guiding my children into the realm where they are more than "good employees". I want my kids to lead in making life better for everyone, even at work.
How about you?
8, 10 & 12 Year Old Leadership
Work is throwing a curve ball again. But that's not what is important. Life is always throwing curve balls.
But what work is showing about leadership reminds me of my younger kids and their personal leadership ability.
My 8 year old has chores, knows she has to do them, but is too distracted by her Polly Pockets and little princesses to finish those household jobs. So we end up supervising her intensly until the chore is done. She hates it because the lure of the dolly calls! But she is young and learning. The chore must be done for the family to work, the chore has a time limit for completion, and her time is her own after she shakes the six rugs we ask her to do.
My 10 year old knows her chores, and does her chores, but her quality level is suspect. She wants to be done so she can read, run or whatever. So her pet's cage may be cleaned, but was the litter changed? Her room may look clean, but what does the closed door to the closet hide? We have to check on her from time to time and inspect the final outcome. She is getting the knack of personal leadership.
My 12 year old knows his chores, knows the quality level and most often produces. He still balks at the yucky jobs, like vacuuming the loose dog hair in the garage (does yours shed like mad in the spring?). But for the most part, he does a fine job of doing what needs to be done. We don't need to exert much supervision except for the final inspection.
These three are demonstrating a spectrum of personal leadership essential for daily functioning. What level are you?
Capable but distracted? Easily off task?
Capable but compromised quality?
Capable and trustworthy (mostly)?
The next level is one I pray for each child to exhibit. An older daughter is now able to do the chores at a quality level that is acceptable. However she also is adding to her life through the exercise of personal leadership. She adds those things, skills, and abilities that will make her life better. She is learning to ignore those things that would pull her down, or reject them when their caustic nature becomes apparent. She surprises us when she blesses my wife with a fruit smoothy. She normally doesn't need supervision, but adds to the household of her own free will.
Now there is a goal worth praying for you children's personal development. "Someday, son, you will have the chance to use the special gifts God has blessed you with to build your family and yourself up."
Independent, productive, additive, blessing. Now there is a vision for my children that I need to keep in front of me for the long haul.
But what work is showing about leadership reminds me of my younger kids and their personal leadership ability.
My 8 year old has chores, knows she has to do them, but is too distracted by her Polly Pockets and little princesses to finish those household jobs. So we end up supervising her intensly until the chore is done. She hates it because the lure of the dolly calls! But she is young and learning. The chore must be done for the family to work, the chore has a time limit for completion, and her time is her own after she shakes the six rugs we ask her to do.
My 10 year old knows her chores, and does her chores, but her quality level is suspect. She wants to be done so she can read, run or whatever. So her pet's cage may be cleaned, but was the litter changed? Her room may look clean, but what does the closed door to the closet hide? We have to check on her from time to time and inspect the final outcome. She is getting the knack of personal leadership.
My 12 year old knows his chores, knows the quality level and most often produces. He still balks at the yucky jobs, like vacuuming the loose dog hair in the garage (does yours shed like mad in the spring?). But for the most part, he does a fine job of doing what needs to be done. We don't need to exert much supervision except for the final inspection.
These three are demonstrating a spectrum of personal leadership essential for daily functioning. What level are you?
Capable but distracted? Easily off task?
Capable but compromised quality?
Capable and trustworthy (mostly)?
The next level is one I pray for each child to exhibit. An older daughter is now able to do the chores at a quality level that is acceptable. However she also is adding to her life through the exercise of personal leadership. She adds those things, skills, and abilities that will make her life better. She is learning to ignore those things that would pull her down, or reject them when their caustic nature becomes apparent. She surprises us when she blesses my wife with a fruit smoothy. She normally doesn't need supervision, but adds to the household of her own free will.
Now there is a goal worth praying for you children's personal development. "Someday, son, you will have the chance to use the special gifts God has blessed you with to build your family and yourself up."
Independent, productive, additive, blessing. Now there is a vision for my children that I need to keep in front of me for the long haul.
Monday, May 5, 2008
Memories of Babies
I chased my ten month old granddaughter around the floor last night. Crawling.
It's a big deal to me. Here this little one has gone from lump in the belly to can't stand the light to crawling and making lots of noise. She's a dear, but she will be a busy one!
I didn't spend much time on the floor with my older kids. I should have. The job was an endless one, and I bought into the idea that my work was me. Now I'm paying the price for that choice. Yesterday one of my grown daughters (still at home) had an old boyfriend pick her up to go putt putt golfing. This boy has been in trouble before, and claims to be on the other side of it.
Well, claims to my daughter at least.
Now he is back, more handsome than ever. Was I told he was coming?
I wonder if more time on the floor when they are ten months old, ten years old, etc would help with that communication block. I'm going to find out today. But first I'm going to vacuum the carpet.
It's a big deal to me. Here this little one has gone from lump in the belly to can't stand the light to crawling and making lots of noise. She's a dear, but she will be a busy one!
I didn't spend much time on the floor with my older kids. I should have. The job was an endless one, and I bought into the idea that my work was me. Now I'm paying the price for that choice. Yesterday one of my grown daughters (still at home) had an old boyfriend pick her up to go putt putt golfing. This boy has been in trouble before, and claims to be on the other side of it.
Well, claims to my daughter at least.
Now he is back, more handsome than ever. Was I told he was coming?
I wonder if more time on the floor when they are ten months old, ten years old, etc would help with that communication block. I'm going to find out today. But first I'm going to vacuum the carpet.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
Spring
Hi all;
Spring is coming and we have the return of the birds... lots of them. In fact we have some new visitors on the lake.
Easter Sunday dinner was interrupted by our first bald eagle! It flew over the lake and picked up a fish, stopped in a tree two doors down, and stayed long enough to get a couple of pictures. What a beautiful bird! I called the DNR, they don't keep track of sightings anymore. Bald eagles are no longer endangered! Cool. He came back yesterday, so I'm hoping we can see him more often.
Loons are back too. Pretty birds, can't wait to hear them when the weather gets a lot warmer. The rest are just seagulls, canadian geese, and lots of ducks.
My old urges are coming back too. Get the yard in order, clean out the garage, and finish the school year with the kids. I'm thinking seasons and all they have to offer here. The time of year says spring, but I'm in the beginning of Fall. Lot's of good days to enjoy life, but I'm passed the mid-point for sure.
But I'll take the energy from spring and the return of the birds to get me going again. How about you?
Spring is coming and we have the return of the birds... lots of them. In fact we have some new visitors on the lake.
Easter Sunday dinner was interrupted by our first bald eagle! It flew over the lake and picked up a fish, stopped in a tree two doors down, and stayed long enough to get a couple of pictures. What a beautiful bird! I called the DNR, they don't keep track of sightings anymore. Bald eagles are no longer endangered! Cool. He came back yesterday, so I'm hoping we can see him more often.
Loons are back too. Pretty birds, can't wait to hear them when the weather gets a lot warmer. The rest are just seagulls, canadian geese, and lots of ducks.
My old urges are coming back too. Get the yard in order, clean out the garage, and finish the school year with the kids. I'm thinking seasons and all they have to offer here. The time of year says spring, but I'm in the beginning of Fall. Lot's of good days to enjoy life, but I'm passed the mid-point for sure.
But I'll take the energy from spring and the return of the birds to get me going again. How about you?
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Away
Hi there! To anyone who takes the time to read this, thanks!
I spend time away, a night at a time, a couple of evenings a month. The family joke is that the house knows it and takes revenge. Things break, drains clog, printers stop printing, cars drop mufflers, do you have anything like that happening?
Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time doing for others when stuff happens and if this is about enough. What do I mean?
What if something doesn't work, traditionally has problems, and I haven't taught how to fix the problem? Have I created a weaker person because of a feeling of being needed? Let's face it, printers have their glitches, especially older ones working on new systems (updated iMac). But getting them going is not that hard.
But.... Almost everytime I leave I have to diagnose and get that printer going over the phone. Last night it was a "crisis" and I couldn't do it. I felt guilty, but realized this was foolish. I've shown how to fix this again and again. Time for someone else to learn the hard way.
Gotta do that more often, or I'll be the only one that can handle these issues going forward. It's not hard, but I do like to feel needed. Gotta break that sin in me so that others can grow the right way.
Agree? Disagree?
I spend time away, a night at a time, a couple of evenings a month. The family joke is that the house knows it and takes revenge. Things break, drains clog, printers stop printing, cars drop mufflers, do you have anything like that happening?
Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time doing for others when stuff happens and if this is about enough. What do I mean?
What if something doesn't work, traditionally has problems, and I haven't taught how to fix the problem? Have I created a weaker person because of a feeling of being needed? Let's face it, printers have their glitches, especially older ones working on new systems (updated iMac). But getting them going is not that hard.
But.... Almost everytime I leave I have to diagnose and get that printer going over the phone. Last night it was a "crisis" and I couldn't do it. I felt guilty, but realized this was foolish. I've shown how to fix this again and again. Time for someone else to learn the hard way.
Gotta do that more often, or I'll be the only one that can handle these issues going forward. It's not hard, but I do like to feel needed. Gotta break that sin in me so that others can grow the right way.
Agree? Disagree?
Friday, March 14, 2008
The Worst Journal
Hi Folks, well, mostly myself.
The space between the last post and this one is astounding. Time doesn't fly, it evaporates. What happened since the last post? We switched from home schooling three to private school. My wife went back to work and is totally fulfilled with the job. I've been promoted to "Trainer". I'm now a Grandfather. I'm married to a Grandmother. What happened to the time?
What happened to the dreams from last Summer? Most didn't work out. Time evaporated and there wasn't enough in the tank to make them happen. It's planning time again.
So instead I'm planning another blog with my observations about selling as a Christian. That one should be easier.
What have I learned as a father over the last many months?
Somehow or other, I must find the resources to parent them well. My own goals and dreams went to the wayside one by one and there were my kids. For months I gave the responsibility of leading them to the new school, but they still really needed me to be a part of their day. Dad's Day at school pointed this out clearly. Quizzes, contests presentations were all better (according to the teachers) with me in the room.
I wonder if this was the right move... Before I was intimately involved with their education daily. Now, it's "Dad's Day".
Don't give me that crap about helping with homework in the evening. These kids are cleansed of meds by then and don't have the brain discipline to do much more than play a game of Skip-bo, which we do. But I really miss connecting the dots between addition and multiplication.
I'll let you know about the decisions to be made, but for now, at least, I'm aware that there is an issue.
What about you?
The space between the last post and this one is astounding. Time doesn't fly, it evaporates. What happened since the last post? We switched from home schooling three to private school. My wife went back to work and is totally fulfilled with the job. I've been promoted to "Trainer". I'm now a Grandfather. I'm married to a Grandmother. What happened to the time?
What happened to the dreams from last Summer? Most didn't work out. Time evaporated and there wasn't enough in the tank to make them happen. It's planning time again.
So instead I'm planning another blog with my observations about selling as a Christian. That one should be easier.
What have I learned as a father over the last many months?
Somehow or other, I must find the resources to parent them well. My own goals and dreams went to the wayside one by one and there were my kids. For months I gave the responsibility of leading them to the new school, but they still really needed me to be a part of their day. Dad's Day at school pointed this out clearly. Quizzes, contests presentations were all better (according to the teachers) with me in the room.
I wonder if this was the right move... Before I was intimately involved with their education daily. Now, it's "Dad's Day".
Don't give me that crap about helping with homework in the evening. These kids are cleansed of meds by then and don't have the brain discipline to do much more than play a game of Skip-bo, which we do. But I really miss connecting the dots between addition and multiplication.
I'll let you know about the decisions to be made, but for now, at least, I'm aware that there is an issue.
What about you?
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