Away

Hi there! To anyone who takes the time to read this, thanks!

I spend time away, a night at a time, a couple of evenings a month. The family joke is that the house knows it and takes revenge. Things break, drains clog, printers stop printing, cars drop mufflers, do you have anything like that happening?

Sometimes I wonder if I spend too much time doing for others when stuff happens and if this is about enough. What do I mean?

What if something doesn't work, traditionally has problems, and I haven't taught how to fix the problem? Have I created a weaker person because of a feeling of being needed? Let's face it, printers have their glitches, especially older ones working on new systems (updated iMac). But getting them going is not that hard.

But.... Almost everytime I leave I have to diagnose and get that printer going over the phone. Last night it was a "crisis" and I couldn't do it. I felt guilty, but realized this was foolish. I've shown how to fix this again and again. Time for someone else to learn the hard way.

Gotta do that more often, or I'll be the only one that can handle these issues going forward. It's not hard, but I do like to feel needed. Gotta break that sin in me so that others can grow the right way.

Agree? Disagree?

The Worst Journal

Hi Folks, well, mostly myself.

The space between the last post and this one is astounding. Time doesn't fly, it evaporates. What happened since the last post? We switched from home schooling three to private school. My wife went back to work and is totally fulfilled with the job. I've been promoted to "Trainer". I'm now a Grandfather. I'm married to a Grandmother. What happened to the time?

What happened to the dreams from last Summer? Most didn't work out. Time evaporated and there wasn't enough in the tank to make them happen. It's planning time again.

So instead I'm planning another blog with my observations about selling as a Christian. That one should be easier.

What have I learned as a father over the last many months?

Somehow or other, I must find the resources to parent them well. My own goals and dreams went to the wayside one by one and there were my kids. For months I gave the responsibility of leading them to the new school, but they still really needed me to be a part of their day. Dad's Day at school pointed this out clearly. Quizzes, contests presentations were all better (according to the teachers) with me in the room.

I wonder if this was the right move... Before I was intimately involved with their education daily. Now, it's "Dad's Day".

Don't give me that crap about helping with homework in the evening. These kids are cleansed of meds by then and don't have the brain discipline to do much more than play a game of Skip-bo, which we do. But I really miss connecting the dots between addition and multiplication.

I'll let you know about the decisions to be made, but for now, at least, I'm aware that there is an issue.

What about you?

Graduation

Had a daughter graduate a week ago. My third graduate from High School.

And a week later I'm talking about where is she going to get her Summer job.

The glow just doesn't last very long, does it.

It occurred to me that she may not have ever heard what a unique place she has in my heart. The idea was probably drown out in the thousands of harsh words and silent moments. I have mellowed some in my years. I don't take the shortcut of the man: loudly setting things right by personal force.

Instead I've had to learn that a child needs someone to slow down a little and find out the truth for themselves.

I'm always up a little earlier than anyone else in the family. She has a softball game to get to. We both had a minute. So we shared a moment when I told her how blessed we were to have her as our daughter.

Every child is different. Every child fills a God ordained place in a home. Every child has a destiny to walk through.

Today, she heard from me how she fit that God spot in our family. And always will.

Congratulations, Carissa. Glow forever!

Mother's Day

I'm always wrong, or so I was in the past.

The hat that brought the "Oh really..." look to her face.
The dress that wasn't in style.
The perfume that sat on the shelf for years and disappeared.
The slippers that were returned.
The gifts that didn't make it.

and then the "You should have known I wanted ____" look.

Mother's Day used to be make a card day with some flowers picked from the garden. It was the thought that counts. But now it's become a make or break day for a Father. Mom wants respect, and I'm on the hot seat to provide it.

I gave up.

Gift card from Kohl's and the promise of babysitting while she went out with her mother and elder daughters for an afternoon of shopping.

Oh, and I used that American Greetings site to help the little kids make cards for Mom. Glad school came through and the local grocery store had flowers to "pick".

So it ended up OK this year.

I'm blogging this so I don't forget it for next year.

Father Pain

There is an almost ten year gap between two of my children. I can see the results of my parenting of the older and choose to handle the younger a different way. Why would I want to do that?

Father Pain.

I've heard about the importance of telling your children you love them, of the value of touch (hugs), and many other ways to let your kids know you find them important in the world. But I didn't do them very well the first go around. I see my communication strained, the inner need for contact unmet, and I am cut off from some very important decisions. That causes me pain as I see the hard lessons going to be made harder because my influence is less than it could be.

After the ten years and the next child came along I found it was a different experience. I wanted to be a part of this child, if they would let me. Then I chose to be a part even if they didn't particularly want me. I hugged, listened, hung up my cell phone when an eager face with a bug showed up in the office. I lingered at the bedside to hear prayers and share a warm hug. I kissed chubby cheeks. I learned.

My pain is different now. To lead a child to self discipline is hard, but more so when you have so much more invested in the relationship. It is a good side of Father Pain, the growing side.

I think I'll try this with my elder kids now.

Welcome

Round one of my intersection. I'll try to relate my understanding of Christianity with culture at large and culture at small.

I'm in sales, and have written several pieces concerning how a sales rep who is a Christian has some unique challenges. Those will go up in due time.

I am also a family man. Same wife, first wife, loved wife.

How does it all fit together? I try to make it work, sometimes yes, sometimes no. Let start the journey and find out.

D