Father Pain

There is an almost ten year gap between two of my children. I can see the results of my parenting of the older and choose to handle the younger a different way. Why would I want to do that?

Father Pain.

I've heard about the importance of telling your children you love them, of the value of touch (hugs), and many other ways to let your kids know you find them important in the world. But I didn't do them very well the first go around. I see my communication strained, the inner need for contact unmet, and I am cut off from some very important decisions. That causes me pain as I see the hard lessons going to be made harder because my influence is less than it could be.

After the ten years and the next child came along I found it was a different experience. I wanted to be a part of this child, if they would let me. Then I chose to be a part even if they didn't particularly want me. I hugged, listened, hung up my cell phone when an eager face with a bug showed up in the office. I lingered at the bedside to hear prayers and share a warm hug. I kissed chubby cheeks. I learned.

My pain is different now. To lead a child to self discipline is hard, but more so when you have so much more invested in the relationship. It is a good side of Father Pain, the growing side.

I think I'll try this with my elder kids now.